Supporting your friends or partner on Father’s Day

Father’s Day is a celebration of warmth, support and contribution that father figures have provided. Unfortunately, for many reasons Father’s Day does not carry the same significance or symbolism for every individual or household. When somebody loses a father, this day of commemoration can become very difficult to navigate. 

Grief is complex, and the commercial whirlwind and social media pressures of Father’s Day exacerbate the poignancy of not having your father figure around to celebrate. It can also be a struggle for individuals who had a strained relationship with a father figure who passed, which highlights that grief is not a linear process and is often very outside of our comfort zones. 

If you have not experienced the loss of a parent, grief or are just unsure of where to begin supporting a friend or partner struggling around Father’s Day, you can be there for your loved ones without putting overwhelming pressure on yourself. Although grief can be complicated and subjective to each individual, it is not something that needs to be intimidating and you do not need to take on the role of a therapist or Counsellor.

Ways to support: 

Conversation

Starting with a simple conversation to create some understanding between you and your loved one, is a productive place to begin. If you are unsure how your friend or partner approaches Father’s Day and you want to be as supportive as possible, a straightforward text message, phone call or a relaxed chat in person releases tension on what can be a difficult day.

For example: ‘I just wanted to check in with Father’s Day coming up soon, I was wondering how you’re feeling about this and how you like/would like to approach the day’. It's important in these conversations that may become quite emotional for both you and your loved ones, that there is a sense of reassurance that these discussions only must go as far as feels comfortable. 

A great way to introduce boundaries and comfortability in these settings, is to ask if there’s anything specific you friend or partner would prefer when talking about grief. Suggesting yourself that you could be a listening ear, offer a practical approach with advice, create varied distractions, or perhaps a combination or simply a shoulder to lean on. This then creates a better idea of your loved one’s experience with grief and can stir you in the right direction to appropriately support them this Father’s Day.

When opening conversations like this, it is important to understand where professional or charity help may be needed. Often when someone else’s grief seems overwhelming it can become even more intimidating. If you do not feel you can provide the correct support, signposting and encouraging your loved ones to turn to charities or other professional help is still a way of consoling and being there for them.

Distractions and Alternatives 

A great way to support someone dealing with grief is to bring some normality and fun amongst their difficult emotions. A particularly helpful way to show your understanding is to let your friend know that there is no pressure for them to be present on social media or to upkeep their usual standard of communication online if they aren’t feeling 100% around Father’s Day. 

If they let you know this can be a difficult time for them, it allows your loved ones to see that there are no harsh expectations in your relationship and that your support can be a breathing space away from the intensity of social media.

• Grief can be very draining, and it can be hard to see brighter times ahead. Providing an appropriate distraction can relieve some of the intense emotions that may have built up as Father’s Day approaches.

• Brainstorming some of your friends’ favourite things to do, watch, eat and talk about is important if you feel they need some support. Simple examples such as bringing them their most loved snacks or drinks, reminding them that their favourite series has a new season or going for a walk in their favourite park, are all productive ways to help relieve someone grieving.

• Using these ideas or knowledge that your friend or partner appreciates company whilst grieving, can help make Father’s Day easier by suggesting making plans with them around this period. If you cannot be there for them as much as you’d like, checking in with texts, phone calls or letters letting them know that you’re thinking of them and asking what they’ve been up to, is a clear way to show your compassion.

Do not be scared or intimidated to deepen your understanding of how someone grieves this Father’s Day, acting with patience, understanding and good intentions are key to supporting a loved one. Creating opportunities to speak, comfort and reassure each other can help elevate the overwhelming feeling of grief around this time of Father’s Day. It is important to remember that a little can go a long way.