Coping with Mother’s Day after loss

Every year the big dates roll around, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries and of course Mother’s Day. It can be really hard seeing the cards in the shop, the adverts and the pictures on social media. It’s like one huge reminder. 

We know it is such a tough day and the lead up is often worse, so we’ve put together a few tips to help you through it. Remember we also have our Meet ‘N’ Grief and our Online Community if you want to talk to people who really understand. 

Limit time on social media:

Social media can be a big reminder in the lead up and on the day. It’s okay to log off and ignore content that you find hard to see or upsetting. And remember, not everyone’s families are as perfect as they appear on social media - it’s a highlight reel.

You could also block adverts you see on there or follow some grief accounts/organisations as they will likely post some relatable content, which may help you feel less alone. If you find it hard to stay off social media apps you could install a time blocker, which sets up a time limit on certain apps, or make plans with a friend on the day to stop you from scrolling.

New traditions:

It can be helpful to make a new tradition for Mother’s Day! The day often reminds us of all the things we used to do, which can be difficult. Doing something new gives you space to remember them in a way that fits into your life now.

It could be visiting their favourite place, buying their favourite flowers, eating their favourite meal or just making time to listen to songs they liked. Even if you don’t want to do something big, it could be just giving yourself time to think about her. 

 It can be something big or small that brings you comfort.

Having no plans is okay:

It’s okay to allow the day to just pass by. If you don’t want to acknowledge it, that is okay.

And sometimes having no plans at all can be helpful! It allows you to assess how you feel on the day and honour that without having the pressure of plans. Whether you just want to carry on as normal, get a coffee with a friend, have a chill day or you decide you actually want to do all her favourite things and have a big cry - whatever you decide to do is okay but having no plans can make those decisions a bit less stressful. 

Accept the hard  feelings:

It’s important to accept how you are feeling. Try not to judge yourself or hide those feelings because they’ll reappear. Emotions like anger, guilt and sadness can be brought up on these big days and it can be overwhelming.

Having some coping strategies in place can be helpful. It could be journaling, brain dumping all the hard thoughts, yoga, running, practising mindfulness, going for a walk and blasting some music, whatever it is that you find that gives you some relief, do it!

It’s only a day:

If you feel overwhelmed, remember it’s just one day out of the full year and it will go as quickly as it came. You’ve gotten through harder things and you’ll get through that day.

Obviously, this is not to say it’s not a really hard day - it is! Allow yourself to feel those feelings but know it will pass.