Saroop’s Story

In this article, Saroop discusses the loss of her mother at 18 and how this influenced her career journey into Fashion.

My name’s Saroop Kaur Sangha, I’m currently 24 years old and I lost my Mother suddenly aged 18 in the Summer of 2018.

After studying Politics and International Relations - which I thoroughly enjoyed - I decided that life’s too short to put off what truly makes you happy, which is fashion and broadcasting.

Could you summarise your career and any key milestones?

After completing my degree, I worked for a short three months as a data analyst in an investment bank and I hated the role - I found it boring and unfulfilling. For years I’ve been a fashion enthusiast but I always felt like I didn’t belong in that world, however after completing my degree I felt like I’d finally proven myself enough to pursue my dream of working in fashion.

When I look back, my first real milestone was the determination with which I relentlessly applied for jobs and finally accepted a role as ASOS, in London, without any previous real fashion experience.

I moved away from my partner to pursue this new career and after nine months of working there, as much as I enjoyed the role, it was all heavily numbers based and I felt that although I technically ‘worked in the fashion industry,’ It wasn’t in the busy, fashion week obsessed way that I initially imagined.

So,  after another wave of relentless job hunting, I somehow landed an internship at Christian Dior. This was another milestone in terms of landing the internship - but the role itself turned out to be so very different to what I imagined. After consistently reminding myself that, ‘this will look great on your CV,’ I persevered at Dior for the entire six month duration (I applied for other roles daily on every job site you can imagine but was unsuccessful) and upon completion I realised that this internship had unlocked a new world of opportunities within luxury fashion and PR - a world that prior to this felt so out of reach.

But I didn’t want to just accept another ‘it’ll do’ style role so I waited for the right opportunity and finally I saw a role for Fashion Assistant at Sheerluxe and haven’t looked back. I’ve since attended London fashion week, hosted styling live panels with ASOS (full circle moment), styled countless fashion shoots and written fashion articles with cultural importance. I’m still in the early stages of my career so I’m still consciously pushing for greater opportunities whilst helping others with similar journeys.

What stage of life were you at when you experienced the loss and how did it impact you then?

I was at one of the best stages of my life when I lost my mum.

I had revised tirelessly for the past two years and it had all paid off the morning that I was accepted into my first choice university - Manchester.

I consciously remember hearing my Mum storming into my room absolutely beaming with what was probably the greatest smile known to man. The Summer that followed consisted of Mother-Daughter cooking lessons, university supply shopping and the greatest family holiday to Croatia.

I was taking my first step to becoming an adult and my mum and I were finally leaving the childhood Mothering phase to become real best friends. But devastatingly it was cut short at the beginning of September when she tragedy passed away from a sudden brain haemorrhage.

The initial feeling was just dark numbness and I felt so beyond confused, ‘Why me?’, ‘How can it be me?.’ My mum was so full of life, always throwing the best parties, hosting the best barbecues and I just couldn’t/can’t wrap my head around why she was taken.

I deferred my University start date by three weeks to stay with my Dad for as long as possible but both my family and I agreed that deferring it for a year would probably just give me more time to overthink. So, I started university late and to say that I was a fish out of water is an understatement.

My family and I refer to the day that they moved me into my accommodation as ‘the dark day,’ and it remains to this day the only time that any of us struggled to digest pizza because we were all riddled with heartbreaking anxiety. Although I eventually managed to make friends and joined a few societies, my weekend FOMO would eat me alive. I wanted and needed to be at home with my Dad on the weekends but I would see my Uni friends going out and spending time together without me, leaving me at a distance from them.

But as University continued, my Dad and I got into a good rhythm with him coming up to Manchester allowing me to split my time more evenly. They were some of the most difficult years of my life - not being able to call your Mum for instructions on cooking rice, travelling back to university after the holidays without home cooked leftovers, it wasn’t how I wanted my life to be, but with the incredible support from my friends and family, I proudly graduated in 2021 with my dad clutching a photograph of my Mum whilst I accepted my diploma. 

How do you think your loss impacted your career?

My Mother was the Head of Child Law at Birmingham City Council and she took formal education very seriously, so in all honesty, she may not have been thrilled with my decision to pursue fashion, and if she were still here, I’m not entirely sure that I would have made the move - but I know that since having made the move, she would be so impressed with my determination to get exactly where I want within the industry.

The hardest element of my career is being away from home. All the serious fashion roles are here in London, but everyday I battle mountains of guilt feeling selfish for moving away when I should be at home in the West Midlands supporting my Dad through his grief.

But my Dad reminds me that watching me pursue my fashion dreams in London is all that he and my mum ever wished for me and he would never wish for me to move home as it would be a disservice to my independence and future career.

Do you think your loss has impacted your working style?

Absolutely, and I think my working style is much calmer than it would have been otherwise because one of the more positive learnings from my loss is that life is too precious to waste worrying about money or obsessing over promotions. That’s not to say I don’t want to be rewarded for my hard work, but I focus on working efficiently during the working day so that my evenings and weekends are free to spend as much time as possible with my family.

One thing I am consciously trying to work on is my ‘scarcity mindset,’ (which is definitely born out of my grief) whereby I worry that for every minute I’m not with my family it’s time lost because I should be spending it with family. I think this mindset is commonly felt amongst those grieving and living away from family and is rarely spoken about but as grief is a long journey, I feel it’s important to recognise these habits early on to tame them for the future.  

What are your top two pieces of advice you would give to someone experiencing the loss of a parent? 

My top tip would be to never shy away from discussing fond memories of your bereaved parent. My family and I will talk for hours about my mum, chatting about her childhood, her career journey etc. and it helps to keep her memory alive. I also discuss my grief with my family, and I openly talk to my Dad about when I’m having a ‘bad day,’ and what might have triggered me.

It’s so important to be able to share your grief because when you stumble across a common feeling or thought that’s what makes you feel slightly less alone and makes all the difference.

Additionally, as much as it pains me to look at photographs, I have put together multiple family photo albums that I look at with my Dad as a way of sharing our grief and reminiscing over memories. 

My second tip would be to speak to a therapist. I am only now, six years on, considering therapy but I think it would’ve been massively beneficial to speak to a councillor at the time.

I think therapy would not only have supported me through university, but it would’ve allowed me to develop better emotional support infrastructure ready for hard times later down the line like moving away from family etc. and coping with the guilt that comes with that in a healthier manner. 

Anything else you would like to share? 

I just want to remind everyone going through this journey, that although you might feel so incredibly isolated and alone, there are so many others on this same journey that want to help you and will support you all the way through it.