How to support a bereaved student at sixth form or college
We’re here to help you support and empower your students who go through loss at a young age.
Bereavement and loss are subjective and although various stages of grief are identified, these may not be linear. Each bereavement or loss situation is extremely unique to the student who has lost a parent. Creating space for the student to talk about their feelings and fears in a safe environment where their emotions are managed, supported and held, is the most effective way of helping.
Offer a safe space where students feel supported
Something as simple as creating a private and safe environment where students feel comfortable enough to open up is absolutely essential. Students want to feel as though they are being listened to without any judgement. Tailoring the support to the student’s individual needs and desires is key to ensure they can continue to progress their studies and friendships as easily and as comfortably as possible.
Understanding the school, college or sixth form’s bereavement processes, whether that be a wellbeing team, safeguarding staff or pastoral roles, will ensure correct processes are being followed and the student feels as though they have an internal support network in place.
Understand that grief is not a linear journey
Grief is subjective and there is no right or wrong way to manage it. A student’s coping mechanisms could get worse before it gets better, or they could get better before it gets worse. Whilst there are many theories that outline the stages of grief, everyone’s story is unique.
Signposting to useful external resources such as support networks, medical advice, or relevant charities will provide students with the awareness of the professional help available to them outside of their educational setting.
“This academic year alone, I have worked with over ten students who have experienced the loss of a parent, grandparent, or significant family member. I would say that just having the space to talk about their feelings and fears in a safe environment, where their emotions are managed, supported and held, is the most effective way of helping.”
Remember that behaviours can change over time
Anger, sadness, loneliness and anxiety are common feelings of grief and they can sometimes materialise overtime. Students may become withdrawn or isolated, they may become aggressive, or they may overcompensate in a variety of ways with grief being out of their control.
Not all student’s behaviours will change, but it’s important to recognise any changes so that the student feels understood. Finding ways to offer the student flexibility on their studies may also ease any pressures they may be facing whilst having to support their families at the same time.
Acknowledge that every student is different
Some students may want to share how they feel, others may prefer to be left alone. Some may want to be signposted to professional support, others may find it too difficult to ask for help. Acknowledge the student’s grief and empower them with options of how they can deal with their emotions. Giving them a choice will enable them to grieve at their own pace, and manage their needs on an individual basis.
Ensuring other staff are aware of the student’s loss and how they are coping will allow additional support mechanisms to be put into place.
Be mindful at all times
Sometimes it’s a good idea to speak to the student’s other family members to find out how they are coping and how best they can be helped. Subtle changes to language, such as addressing communications as ‘Dear parent or guardian...’ can make a significant difference to how the student feels. Adjusting topics within classrooms, such as being conscious of discussing funerals during Religious Studies, or discussing family topics such as Father’s Day in PSHE, will avoid students feeling uncomfortable or reminded of their loss.
Other students may not be able to empathise or understand the pain of grief. Putting those affected by a loss in touch with others who have experienced bereavement may enable them to connect and feel as though they are not alone.
What students are saying
What did your college do well?
“They turned off the absence notification emails whilst I was off so I didn’t have to deal with that.”
“They accepted my extenuating circumstances and let me have counselling when my dad was ill.”
“My college gave me a ‘student advisor’ who sorted out all the admin and extensions for me!”
What did your college not do well?
“They kept asking for evidence when submitting extenuating circumstances every time.”
“They did nothing else! I was never contacted, despite letting the head of the program know.”
“The only solution they had was exam deferral, which meant I wouldn’t be able to graduate at the same time as my friends, which didn’t feel like a solution to my grief.”
If you’d like this help guide as a PDF you can download it here