Anita’s Story

Intro - who are you, who did you lose and at what stage of life? 

I’m Anita Mangan, an illustrator and graphic designer. I lost my Mum when I was 20 (she was 45 and died of Bowel Cancer) and my Dad when I was 36 (he was 63 and died of Brain Cancer). 

Is there anything that you found helpful in your grief journey?

I have a big extended family and when my Mum was ill and after she died, we had lots of friends and family round. It really helped me to be with people as it felt like we were all going through it together.

I found it hard to believe that my Mum would die, so was in denial for a lot of the time, so it hit me hard when she died.

But as a family, we have always not been afraid to show our emotions, so there was a lot of crying together. Saying that, we were also not afraid to laugh about things.. that also helped to release a lot of emotion.

Do you have any advice or tips for a young person dealing with grief? 

Don’t be afraid to show your emotions. And to talk to someone about what you’re going through... Several times… as and when you need to. A good friend will be there to listen.

At the beginning, the feelings of grief are all consuming and incredibly intense. It does get easier and you learn to live with it. There may be a few unexpected moments where a song, a smell or a memory throws you but all these moments and your grief show the importance and the love you felt towards the person you lost. 

I feel lucky to have had my parents albeit for too short a time. I felt like they left a part of them with me when they died - and for that I’m so grateful.

Photo Credit: Billie Charity / Hay Festival