Ways I supported my partner through a funeral

When my partner’s dad died, I was apprehensive about the funeral. It was the first funeral I’d ever been to, which in itself was a privilege, and I didn’t know what to expect. I learnt so much during that time and I wanted to share some key things that will help anyone in this situation.

Listen to them

My partner had never experienced a funeral and I hadn’t, so we were both going in blind. I felt like it was best to just listen to him and what he needed. Did he need to talk about it or did he need space from it? Where did he need me on the day? etc. You may have experience with funerals and want to share what you think is best, but remember it is their experience. Everyone is individual in how they grieve, so listen.

Being their support

Funerals can be really difficult, it can be overwhelming but I found it helpful to remember I was there to support him. I’m not saying don’t show emotion, but it was important to me that he didn’t feel like he had to look after me. This is probably something that never crossed his mind, but it was something I thought a lot about leading up to the day. I was there to hold his hand when he needed it, talk to well-wishers and be there to leave with him when he was ready to.

Having your support system

This links to the previous point, but my family came to the funeral to support my partner and his family. I found this really helpful because I had support there too. After the service we all split up to drive over to the wake, and I was able to have a private moment in the car to have a bit of a cry and regather myself.

Supporting someone can be very emotional, so having your own support network can be really valuable. Whether it’s calling a friend or sending a text to someone. It can help you offload, refresh and ultimately be better at supporting your partner.

Getting it wrong

I was so worried before the funeral that I was going to do something or say something wrong. I think the main thing I have learnt is it’s better to say something than nothing. No one expects you to get everything right and if you’re sensitive and empathetic, it’s unlikely you’ll say something wrong.

The main thing I would say to anyone supporting their partner through a funeral is to just meet them where they are. Try not to worry so much about getting everything right and just listen to them.

If you are supporting your partner through grief, you may find this article helpful.